What to do with ashes

The one thing worth knowing

Nothing has to be decided. Crematoria and funeral directors will hold ashes for months at no charge, and the sealed container they come in is perfectly stable for years.

This matters because the decision is often made in the fortnight after the funeral, when nobody in the family is thinking clearly and everybody is exhausted. Waiting until a significant date — a birthday, an anniversary, the following summer, when the family can actually gather — is common, and it tends to produce a better day and less regret.

The law, briefly

There is far less of it than people expect.

No licence, permit or notification is required to scatter ashes anywhere in the UK. Cremated remains are not classed as human tissue for these purposes and there is no statute prohibiting their disposal in ordinary places.

What applies instead is property law. You need the permission of whoever owns or controls the land:

• Your own garden — no permission needed, though bear in mind you may move house.
• Someone else’s land, including farmland — ask the owner.
• A public park, cemetery or beach — the local council. Many have a policy and some charge a small fee.
• National parks, National Trust land, and famous summits — these have written policies, and popular sites often restrict or refuse. Ask first.
• A football or cricket ground — most clubs now have a formal policy after years of requests, and many offer a memorial garden instead of the pitch.

Water

Scattering on a river, lake or the sea needs no licence. The Environment Agency asks that you:

• scatter well away from buildings, marinas and any point where water is taken for drinking — a kilometre upstream is the usual guidance;
• avoid throwing in the container, wrappings, plastic flowers or anything else that will not break down;
• choose a spot away from people fishing or swimming.

At sea, check the tide and the wind. Water urns designed to float briefly and then sink and dissolve exist for this and work well.

Burying ashes

The option that most often turns out to be what the family actually wanted, and the one least often offered:

• A cemetery ashes plot — a small dedicated grave, with a plaque or a small memorial. Costs a fraction of a full burial.
• An existing family grave — usually possible with the consent of the deed holder, often for a modest interment fee.
• A churchyard, in a garden of remembrance or a memorial wall.
• A natural burial ground, sometimes with a tree planted over it.
• Private land, with the owner’s permission.

The advantage is a place with a name on it that other people can find in twenty years’ time — which is the thing families who scattered on a hillside most often say afterwards that they miss.

Keeping, dividing and other options

Keeping them at home is entirely normal and needs no justification. So is dividing them between several people — there is no legal difficulty and keepsake urns are made for it. See urns and scatter tubes for containers and prices.

Beyond that: ashes are set into jewellery and glass, incorporated into memorial trees and reefs, and pressed into vinyl records. Some of this is expensive and some of it is a poor deal; the ones worth having are the ones somebody in the family will actually keep.

Related

Urns, scatter tubes and keepsakes · Burial or cremation · The first year